It gets pretty hard not to be disheartened sometimes. You know those mornings when the yoga fairies have sprinkled you with lead the night before and sewn all your joints shut? When you're not sure you can bend over to tie your shoes, let alone get into the seated forward bends?
I had a morning like that this morning, much grunting, sweating and panting, fairly little yoga, absolutely zero serenity and flow. Its pretty tough to deal with, but at least you know that tomorrow might be a good day (or might have been a good day if it wasn't a moon day). Whats more difficult to deal with is the concern that you're not moving forward in your practice.
I've been stuck pretty much where I am for a few months now, and while I appreciate that this is not long in the grand scheme of things, I find it difficult from a wider yoga perspective. Its clear to me that I need to get away from any feelings of competition in the shala, that different people advance differently, that I have a price to pay for years of abusing my body with fags and booze and late night clubbing, and most importantly that the quality of ones yoga is not measured by the number of asana one knows.
In spite of 'cerebrally' knowing that, it still raises a little twitch of envy when people who only began yoga two or three months ago are suddenly racing ahead of you.....
I remember reading that a student visiting John Scott's shala asked him, "Should I show you my practice?", to which he replied, "Don't show me your practice. Do your practice."
Sri Siva, help me dissolve my ego and do my practice.
Om shanti
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